


Werewolves of London

by AshJuillet



Series: Challenges [70]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Gen, London, Remus Lupin is So Done, Song Lyrics, Werewolf Remus Lupin, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 07:48:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30136332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshJuillet/pseuds/AshJuillet
Summary: "I have an extremely elaborate yet brilliant idea for a prank, and it will be our legacy!" Sirius declared, turning to look at James, his eyes glinting with delight. "Prongs, mate, look at this." He handed the notepad to James and leaned back on the couch, throwing his arm over the back.James scanned the contents of the pages and burst into peals of laughter. "Oh, this is perfect, Pads! We should do this on Moony's birthday next week!""Great! Owl Pete. We have to start working on this as soon as possible. And get Evans to help us out, too."And so, the plan was set in motion. Remus had no idea what was coming his way.
Relationships: Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter & Lily Evans Potter
Series: Challenges [70]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2108157
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	Werewolves of London

Sirius smirked as he listened to the Muggle song playing on the radio, making elaborate notes on his—well, it was _Remus'_ —notepad. The ideas ran amuck in his mind, and his quill moved swiftly over the paper as he tried to get them all down.

"What's that?" James asked, entering the flat he shared with Sirius. He dropped the groceries on the table along with the keys and turned to pull off his coat. "Sirius?"

Sirius grinned as he gestured to James to be silent, tapping his foot to the music. He flipped the page and continued writing. James shrugged and plopped down beside him. He knew Sirius would tell him what he was doing when he was done. A few moments later, the ending notes trailed off, and Sirius placed the quill down, beaming at the notepad.

"I have an extremely elaborate yet brilliant idea for a prank, and it _will_ be our legacy!" Sirius declared, turning to look at James, his eyes glinting with delight. "Prongs, mate, look at this." He handed the notepad to James and leaned back on the couch, throwing his arm over the back.

James scanned the contents of the pages and burst into peals of laughter. "Oh, this is perfect, Pads! We should do this on Moony's birthday next week!"

"Great! Owl Pete. We _have_ to start working on this as soon as possible. And get Evans to help us out, too."

And so, the plan was set in motion. Remus had no idea what was coming his way.

* * *

Remus had assumed he would spend his nineteenth birthday with his friends, but he was proven wrong. They hadn't bothered meeting him in Kent like they had promised him, and now, he was walking to their next meeting place.

Although he had used a Warming Charm on himself, the heavy downpour chilled Remus to the bone. He shivered and walked faster down the streets of SoHo, glancing down at the menu in his hand. For some reason, his best friends had declared they would meet him at a Chinese restaurant called Lee Ho Fook.

He rolled his eyes and muttered, "I didn't even know they liked Chinese food… Well, whatever. I just need to eat something before I go mad. Preferably some chocolate at some point."

Just then, a masculine voice began singing behind him, and Remus grimaced. He knew there wasn't anyone there, but the words were loud and clear.

" _I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand,_

_Walking through the streets of SoHo in the rain,_

_He was looking for the place called Lee Ho Fooks,_

_For to get a big dish of beef chow mein."_

Remus listened to the lyrics and groaned loudly. He was well aware it was the work of his best friends. Who else would play a song about _werewolves_ on repeat for him? Where they had even come across the song was a mystery to him, but he covered his ears and tried to walk faster. He was going to kill them _all_ with his bare hands.

The song continued to play behind him.

" _Ah-hooo, werewolves of London,_

_Ah-hooo,_

_Ah-hooo, werewolves of London,_

_Ah-hooo!"_

Remus ignored the singing and thought back to the terrible birthday he had been having.

Earlier that morning, Remus had received an owl from Sirius, which had simply asked him if he could come down to Margate, Kent for breakfast. Remus had been surprised by the request, but he had simply shrugged and agreed. But upon reaching the cafe Sirius had mentioned in the letter, Remus hadn't found his friends there.

Instead, he had been greeted by a pack of dogs—in assorted sizes and colours—who had yanked on their leashes and escaped their walker's grip. They had smelt Remus from afar, aware that he was a predator, and had started barking at the top of their voices. Remus had stood still for just a split second before bolting down the road, the dogs nipping at his heels.

The dog-walker had screamed and tried to sprint after them, but he had tripped over one of the dachshunds and fallen flat on his face. The weiner dog had yipped and ran off after its companions, its red leash trailing behind its little legs.

Remus' face had turned red with exertion as he had run down the road, dodging the dogs scrambling after him. He was not an athlete, never having run this fast in his human form, but the dogs had forced him. _He_ had known why they were chasing him, but the bystanders didn't; they only assumed the dogs had gone mad. Remus had done his best to distract the dogs by using a few spells. But then, the strays had joined the chase, trying to bite him in an attempt to defend their territory.

Among the angry dogs was a very familiar one. With his toothy grin and fluffy black fur, Padfoot had joined the chase, his tail wagging in excitement. Remus had yelled, "Padfoot, you little sh—"

Just then, he had slammed into a lamppost and almost fallen onto his face. Fortunately, his reflexes had stopped him just in time. And in the middle of the chase, Remus had heard a masculine voice crooning in his ear, " _He's the hairy-handed gent who ran amok in Kent."_

He had snapped his head towards the voice, but there hadn't been anyone there. The dogs had continued to howl and charge at him until Remus had finally managed to evade them by jumping into the sea. The water had been freezing, but Remus had ignored it and swam away, leaving the dogs to snarl and spit but remain standing on the shoreline. Padfoot had stood alongside them, howling in delight.

He had Apparated straight back to his little cottage, panting as loudly as the dogs that had been chasing him earlier. Annoyed, he had walked into the kitchen, intent on making himself some breakfast. His stomach had growled and rumbled in the silence, and he had half a mind to send a Howler to his friends for deserting him. Just then, that same masculine voice had begun singing, the lyrics reverberating in the tiny kitchen.

" _You hear him howling around your kitchen door,_

_You better not let him in,_

_Little old lady got mutilated late last night,_

_Werewolves of London again."_

Remus had groaned, dropping his head into his palms as the chorus began.

" _Ah-hooo, werewolves of London,_

_Ah-hooo,_

_Ah-hooo, werewolves of London,_

_Ah-hooo!"_

And his decision had been made.

The fourteen-minutes-long Howler—in which he had described everything that had happened to him that morning in minute detail—hadn't affected his best friends in any way. They had simply sent him another letter, asking him to meet them at the Chinese restaurant in SoHo. They had promised they would make it up to him, so he had reluctantly agreed.

Remus was brought out of his memories when he caught sight of a pair of red sky lanterns hanging on either side of a mahogany-brown door. He looked up and saw the name _Lee Ho Fook_ in bold black letters. Sighing in relief, he strode to the door and opened it, still shivering.

"Surprise!"

The scream startled Remus, and he slipped on the rainwater pooling under his feet. The next thing he knew, he was lying on his back in the doorway of the restaurant. His supposed best friends laughed at him from where they stood near the tables. He groaned loudly and muttered, "You need to start running before I get up."

The three men laughed, and Lily came over to help Remus up. "Are you okay, Remus? Didn't mean to scare you."

"Oh, don't lie. You _did_ mean to scare me," Remus deadpanned, but he grinned good-naturedly at her. "Great surprise, but I am _not_ happy about the dogs."

"Blame that on Sirius. Didn't you notice him in the pack?" Lily asked, giggling. The little camera she had Charmed for Sirius had taken many snapshots of Remus running through Margate. The boys and Lily had gone through all of them, selecting their favourites to frame and gift to Remus later.

"The little shit was enjoying it, wasn't he?" Remus shot Sirius a glare, and the black-haired man laughed and tried to hide behind Peter, who quickly stepped out of Remus' line of sight.

"Yes, he _did_ enjoy it, and he also got us some _pictures_ ," Lily sang, grinning up at him, her emerald-green eyes twinkling in amusement.

"Get rid of them, or else I'll get rid of you all," Remus demanded, but they all simply laughed and shook their heads.

They made their way over to the tables and sat down, teasing and mocking Remus for what had happened. Sirius excitedly narrated his adventures of chasing Remus into the sea, and the brunet thunked his head on the table, groaning in embarrassment.

"To make it up to you, I got you a piña colada," James said, extending the drink towards him. To his amusement, Remus took the glass and chugged it down. "Hey, hey, calm down, Moony!"

"Calm down? Calm _down_? James, Padfoot and his pack of merry dogs chased me into the _sea_ today. I had to jump into the freezing water to save myself. And then, that damned song! _Werewolves of London?_ Really? You know that lyric about how a little old lady got mutilated late last night? Shit, now it's going to be stuck in my head… Anyway, I have half a mind to do that to whoever came up with the brilliant idea to use that stupid song." Remus noticed Sirius trying to slink past them, and he reached out to grab Sirius by the back of his shirt. "Oh, no, you don't! I should have known it was your idea…"

"You have to admit it was funny," Sirius said, trying to defend himself. His plan would have worked if it weren't for the huge grin on his face. "Come on, lighten up, my Moon-cakes! It's your birthday!"

An idea suddenly formed in Remus' mind, and his eyes glinted deviously. Sirius noticed it immediately, and he stiffened. "Moony… no… you—"

"It is my birthday, after all, so I'd like you all to perform a song for me," Remus said with a sweet smile. He looked at Lily and said, "That includes you, too."

"It wasn't _my_ idea," Lily tried to argue, but Remus shook his head.

"Oh, no, you're not getting out of this that easily," he said, pointing at her. "I'm sure you're the one who researched the restaurants and got them to call me there." The look on Lily's face said it all.

"She's the one who told us we could Charm the camera to take your pictures," Peter said quickly. " _I_ didn't do anything."

"Hey! Don't lie!" Sirius and James cried in unison. James turned to Remus and said, "He's the one who came up with the idea to get the dogs to chase you. We were only going to make you run after a fake thief or something, but Pete's idea was better."

Remus pursed his lips before he said, "I'm not going to spare anyone then. You all are going to perform a wonderful rendition of Disco Duck—complete with transforming into ducks and dancing for me. I also want you all to look like Donald Duck."

"What's that?" Sirius and James asked, bewildered at everything that Remus had just said.

"Peter and Lily will explain, of course. They'll also help you choreograph your performance," Remus stated, leaning back in his chair. "And now, I'm craving some beef chow mein."

As Remus got up to order the food, Sirius began humming the song under his breath, and James promptly flicked his ear. "Shut up. This is all _your_ fault."

"You agreed with me!"

"I agree with _every_ thing!" James cried.

Remus snickered as he listened to them arguing behind him. The prank hadn't been that bad, but he wasn't going to tell them that. After all, he was a Marauder—he deserved to have his fun, too. Just the thought of all four of them dressed up like Donald Duck and flapping their arms to the song caused a huge grin to stretch on his face.


End file.
